Ladies Love Big Guy

LLBG.  That's what Scott and I call Gavin sometimes.  It stands for "Ladies Love Big Guy".  This kid is a chick magnet.  He attracts all girls, ages 5-15.  Yesterday I went to pick him and Francesca up at religion class.  I was talking to the director, who mentioned that Gav had come out of class to go to the bathroom.  Another mom who was standing there at the time (I hadn't arrived yet) told the director that her daughter had a crush "on that little blond boy" and the director said "oh that's Gavin".  I am also a catechist in the evening religious ed. program, so they know my kids.  Yessss I said, that is a common occurence.  Girls love Gavin.  Just watch, I told her as class was dismissed and Gavin came to stand next to me.

Gavin was standing next to me as the other classes came down the stairs.  Then he started to slowly inch behind my back.

"Gavin...come give me a hug...Gavin, come here, come here you cute thing."
"Mrs. LaDore, Gavin is so cute I just want to eat him!"

Poor Gav.  Those were 2 FIFTH-GRADERS.  Scott told me at religion drop-off a fourth-grader went up to Gav to say hello and smile.  Gav just grunted and walked away. That is his general reaction to girls.

When he was in the tub the other night we had a little chat about love.  He told me that 2 kids in his class "were in love" and he knew this because they always try to talk to each other in class and they sit next to each other at lunch.  He also told me that the girl who was "in love" with the boy ALSO loved him; interesting!  He was very nonchalant about the whole thing, as if girls just automatically think he's cute, which, frankly, they do. 

Gavin is a magnet for older women too.  At last year's Halloween dance 2 girls wouldn't stop "petting" his head, telling me how smooth his hair was and how cute he was.  He is going to be the "bad" Spiderman this year for Halloween. It has a mask that fits over the head.  Gavin told me that he picked this costume not only because he liked it, but because with a mask no one will know it is him, and the older girls will not be able to follow him.  He made Francesca promise not to say his name or call him at the dance "and give it away".  I told Scott the other day that someday, Gavin will be some older woman's Ashton Kutcher to her Demi Moore. 

"Bad Words"

  I heard Francesca talking earlier this evening to the boy down the street out on our front porch.  They were whispering (well they think they were, Francesca has an "Irish whisper", as in she doesn't have one) about curse words that were uttered on the playground today.  After making sure that she was not participating in this bad word party I left them alone and went back inside.  Later on we ran to the grocery store while Scott and Gavin were at a Cub Scout meeting.  As we were driving she brought it up to me

  "Mommy, a few boys were saying BAD WORDS on at recess today.  BAD WORDS."

  Umm OK Checka, share with me.  Spell it, whisper it, tell me what it rhymes with.  Does it rhyme with "truck"..."spit"..."smell"???  Nothing.  She's not talking.  She told me that she didn't want to say it because she may get in trouble.  Noooo I reassure her, Mommy just wants to know what they were saying so we can be sure it's something you shouldn't say.  So tell me Francesca, what does it begin with???

  "Well Mommy it begins with an 'S' and I'll tell you what it rhymes with.  It sounds like 'HEXY OBAMA'.  Baaaad words Mommy."

  Hexy Obama?  Damn I'm confused.  Hexy Obama...Then she whispers it from the back seat...

  SEXY MOMMA!!!

  Ohhhhh sexy momma.  Yep, I guess to a bunch of 7 year olds that would be a bad word.  To someone my age, it would be a compliment.  As long as no one's calling HER a sexy momma.  Nope, she's another word that rhymes with Obama...she's DRAMA!

A Curious Phenomenon

  So Scott discovered something about Gavin yesterday while at church.  AT CHURCH OF ALL PLACES!  We get to church and Gav, OF COURSE, has to go to the bathroom.  Gav has a bladder the size of a flea - either that or he just likes exploring bathrooms.  He's been to the one at Our Lady of Mercy before; several times in fact.  But of course, right in between the homily and the Prayer of the Faithful Gav starts doing the pee pee dance.  I thought Scott was going to shoot him - not in church of course, but Scott was not happy.  But he took him.

  When they got back, Scott had a smirk on his face.  He whispered to me, "I sent you a text message.  Oh, and I figured out why Gavin holds his hand behind his back on his butt when he pees".  Really?  Hmmm I can't say that this was keeping me awake nights, wondering why my son holds his ass when he pees.  Not to be gross, but watching Gavin pee is hysterical enough.  We do value our privacy here at 62 Wesley, however, Gav tends to pee with the door open.  He POSES when he goes to the bathroom and it reminds me of Mark Wahlberg in "Boogie Nights" - you know the last scene, when he's standing in front of a mirror, admiring his super-long...well you catch my drift.  Gav literally poses and pees.  It's hysterical.  And he knows he's funny.  But back to the hand on the butt thing.  Mind you, I have my misselette in hand and I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE ON BEING HOLY AND MY HUSBAND IS TRYING TO DISCUSS OUR SON'S TOILET HABITS.  So I shoot Scott a dirty look and tell him I can't check my phone and he can tell me later.  OK, Scott's idea of later is the sign of the peace.  I lean in to kiss him and shake hands and I get:

"Babe, he holds his hand on his butt when he pees because he says he doesn't want the poop to sneak out"

  Oh my God.  Put a fork in me, I'm done.  I can't even look at any member of my family because if I do I'm going to bust out laughing.  Thankfully there is no one in the row in front of us.  In back of us is Scott's sister Joelle, our niece Ali and her friend Trina.  I pray they didn't hear this, although that little revelation would likely liven up Mass for them.  I look at Gavin, who just shrugs his shoulders and shoots me a smile.

  Never a dull moment in the LaDore house.